Things I learned as an Archaeologist

1) When in a foreign country McDonald's taste basically the same. Taco Bell does not.

2) Never declare "I think it's a point!" or "I got a point base!" or "Look's like a Biface!" until you have cleaned it up and are absolutely sure of what you found. This will save you the embarrassment when one or more of your more experienced coworkers wanders over to examine your find and says "Nah, that's just a rock".

3) Doritos make good tinder in the field. If you light them they just keep burning...like wood. Weird.

4) Never say "I think I can make it..." while driving a crew vehicle filled with your coworkers. They won't like you so much for risking their lives.

5) If working with mostly males opt to ride in the truck bed at the end of the day rather than squishing in the cab with them. This will save you from a most odorous journey.

6) Alcoholism is a job skill and is expected. Keep up.

7) Lab work is mind numbing but you get out of the bugs.

8) Bugs are evil, evil, evil.

9) If you are an Archaeologist, a female and weigh less than 600 lbs you are considered hot stuff.

10) No matter what you tell the locals they will think that you are digging for gold and hording what you find. They will watch you.

11) Never take a coworkers shovel. Never. Never. You may be inadvertently harmed on the job if you do. Your shovel is an extension of yourself and when it breaks or "disappears" it will be mourned for months.

12) No one will think the less of you if you are attacked/swarmed by evil creatures (ie, fire ants, ticks, yellow jackets) and run screaming from them. No one will blink an eye if you strip down to your skivvies while doing so, either. All in a days work.

13) While tramping through a swamp never try to be funny and shout "Alligator!". This will only piss off your tense coworkers.

14) If you hear thunder, work stops and "waiting it out in the trucks" begins. This usually means telling off-color stories, doing crossword puzzles and reading old newspapers. Or if it's late afternoon it's "Early drinking day!". However, if working in another country....Not so much. OSHA regulations aren't followed quite as well and you are expected to endanger your life more-so than normal.

15) If you leave the field and "forget" a coworker, you will be in major trouble with your superiors. (I only did this once. Oops! In my defense, he was a very bland individual who didn't stand out much)

16) If you get the work-truck stuck you will be made fun of for months and possibly years. If you are a female and get it stuck you are just proving that your gender is incompetent. What a bunch of bull. (I never got the truck stuck, btw. I have successfully defended the female role in archaeology. yeah! ha)

17) Never date an archaeologist unless you know for a fact that he showers everyday. There are many, many, many who do not. Lemme tell ya, showers are important. (I married a very clean one)

18) And finally, if you ever walk through a nest of ticks (very disturbing) and decide to spray down your pants with half a can of bug spray in a vain attempt to kill the little bastards, DO NOT then try to light them on fire. The result is a rather warming fireball below your waistline. Pick one; either fire OR bug spray. (Fire works best)