Fun with a notepad

Carter is at an age right now where everyday there is a new phrase or funny story to be had. I can't write them all down but I sure do wish I could just videotape one solid week and put it away for the future. That being said, I guess I can just focus on the stand-out stories that really make me laugh, like this one:
Last night I was cleaning the kitchen and Carter was "helping" daddy with his homework. Carter drew me a picture of a bunch of big circles on a large notepad. He came into the kitchen to show me. I, of course, said they were beautiful circles and thanked him. Then I hear him in the other room telling Kevin that his Circles are very tired. I peek in to see Carter walking his Circles to bed. Well, hell. The kitchen can wait, I gotta grab this easy bedtime opportunity!
So we climb in bed and Carter tells me that his Circles would like to read books with us. Hahaha. He is cradling this large notepad in his lap and leaning against the pillows, waiting for me to get his flashlight and books. I am crackin' up.
Carter - Mama, Circles want to read books too.
Me - Okay, which one does Circles want to read first?
Carter - Umm, this one...Coooduhwoy Bear. Circles likes dis one. (then addressing the notepad in high pitched voice like talking to a baby) You want to read Bear book? You like dis one?
Me - (reading book)
Carter - (holding the notepad up so it can see the pictures)
Throughout our book reading time Carter made sure that Circles could see the pictures and would check in on him during the stories. Which one you want to read next, Circles? Wait! Circles can't see! etc...
I have no idea where this came from but it really made me laugh. Most days I'm pretty sure that I have the cutest, funniest, most adorable child in the whole wide world. It's a good balance for the days when I want to send him off to boarding school in Switzerland. :)

The randoms of Groundhog Day

Sometimes I catch Owen sitting there with his head cocked to the side, chewing on his finger and looking at me like, "I am so in love with this woman and I just don't know how to tell her...." . Kinda turns my heart into a puddle of goo.

*****

Today I squeezed myself into a size 6 pair of jeans. It was like a reenactment of an old Jordache jeans commercial. I could have used some sort of pulley system and a shoe horn to facilitate but I made do with a spray bottle of water (to dampen the cotton and make it stretch). Phew. Now. Can't. Breathe.

*****

If Carter starts laughing at something, Owen will then start laughing in bemused hilarity, then he'll kinda turn to me chuckling like "What are we laughing at?" and I'll start laughing because he is laughing. Pretty soon we are all laughing for no reason other than it's contagious.

*****

Three and a half weeks ago I ordered a tandem stroller (Sit & Stand) with my birthday money. One week later it arrived broken. I reordered same stroller. One week later it arrived broken. Now most people at this point would just quit but noooo, I gotta be the one to stick my finger in the socket a third time...just to make sure. So I reorder stroller. It. Arrived. Broken. What the f&%$! Ahem. I really want this stroller. It fits my price range and needs. Soooo, I reordered stroller but in a different style. We'll see if #4 arrives broken or not within the next week or so. If it is, well then I give up. I'll just duct tape my umbrella stroller to my Graco and call it the Mississippi Tandem stroller.

*****

Until having a two year old I never wished for any sort of disability...now I wish for some form of hearing impairment. Don't they come with mute buttons for Pete's sake?! He can sustain a scream for the same length as any professional Opera singer. I wonder if I could harness him for an hour a day to power our electricity needs.... Something to consider....

When I like him, I really like him

Me- Did you like the smoothie mommy made for you?
Carter- No. Nooooo good, mommy. (shaking his head back and forth emphatically)
Me- Hmmm, looks like you liked it enough to finish it all up.... Is that a strawberry mustache?
Carter- Nooooooo!
Kevin- Tell your mommy you liked it. You've hurt her feelings. Tell her it was delicious.
(mommy now covering face in despair ;) )
Carter- I sorry mommy. It was deshish. Otay?

*****
You know that old Saturday Night Live skit with Mike Meyers as the special kid that's not allowed sugar? He's harnessed to the play gym at the park and has a helmet on? Okay. Well then remember how when his character is given chocolate or something he starts flippin' out and running to the end of his "leash" and then falling back when it jerks taut? Haha. Well, I'm not saying my child is anything like that but if you ever see him when I put his safety leash on him (yes, it is necessary since he will run from me in parking lots and has no sense of fear) you would think of that comedy sketch. Today as we are leaving Mommy & Me I strapped him into his "safety buckles" and held on for dear life. There goes my son...running-jerked back-running-jerked back-swing in a running arc to the left-jerked back-and so on and so on. Freaking hilarious. Er, well it would be if it weren't my kid and I was just the observer.

*****
Carter- Daddy? I play puter game noooooow? (whine)
Kevin- No, not right now. Daddy is doing work on the computer.
Carter- Daddy? (begging stance with knees together and hands clasped desperately) Very very very very very very pleeeease, Daddy?
Kevin- Okay. (he had no chance of winning this one. Carter is a master at begging and manipulation)

*****
The other night I was trying to get Carter to come to the dinner table but he was in the bathroom with a wet washcloth, cleaning. Yeah. I'm gonna bring this up to him when he is 13 and refuses to do chores. I will tell him how he used to beg me to let him vacuum and scrub the bathroom sink. Anyway, this is how the smidget talks to me:
Me- Carter, let's go man! Dinner time!
Carter- No, mommy. Too busy cleaning! Cleaning so very very hard. (scrubbing sink with washcloth)
Me- Okay, look! It's all clean now, hurry up and come eat.
Carter- No! Stand back mommy! (hand out in a "Halt" position) I so very busy cleaning. I be one mint. Very very very duurty!
Well, hell. Who's gonna argue too much with that? Although in my defense, I just cleaned that sink and it was not "very very very duurty". Harumph.

*****
Carter- Mommy? What time is? (coming into the bathroom while I'm showering)
Me- It's 11:30.
Carter- Otay, tanks.
He then walked away apparently satisfied with that answer. I guess maybe he's got an appointment later or something? And my husband thinks that I'm too schedule oriented. Hah!

My boys keep me laughing, which in turn keeps me sane

Driving and listening to Carter in the back talking on his "cellphone":

Hi Daddy. Daddy? You come home...um, have dinner wi' us? .......... Otay, play ahside wi' me?........... Luf you too, daddy.

*****

Every morning Carter rolls over and murmurs sleepily "Luf you too Mommy"....sometimes before his eyes are even open. He will then silky my arm and hug Owen, whom I am probably nursing in bed at this point. He's too sweet. It makes up for the two toddler, ninja feet I have in my back most of the night.

*****

New Year's Eve, at a friends house doing sparklers for the very first time with Daddy: Kevin explains that you need to hold it very far away from your body like all the other kids. No! Meeeeee! No, Iiiiii doooo it! (Carter then wrestles sparkler away from Kevin and puts it right up towards his own face, Kevin grabs it but takes a hit on the arm.....nicely melting his fleece jacket)


*****

We were putting Carter to bed last night and I realized that my child has developed a new skill. Lying. I had just finished telling him a story about an oversized elephant that was self-conscious about his size and how all of his animal friends each were different in their own way....blah blah blah. (Yes, I'm shooting for my stories having a moral to be learned) My pint-sized guy yawned really big and hugged his Glow Bear, gave me his Wonder Pet to cuddle with and this is the following conversation:

Carter (whispering in his tiniest voice): Mama, stay here. I be riiiiight back.(patting my shoulder in reassurance he started getting up)

Me: No way, Jose. It's bedtime.

Carter: I need to get blanket. Um, biiiiiig blanket Santa gave me.....

Me (thinking): Santa never got you a blanket....

Carter: Uh.......yeah....be riiiight back. Get... (searching his brain)....uh, somefing.

Me: Fine. Hurry back then.

Carter: Otay, I hurry. Bery bery bery fast. (He then climbed out of bed, and I let him just to see where this was going. The little stinker tiptoed to the den and told Kevin he was there to watch football with him)


******

When Owen cries, I will hear Carter say stuff like this: Is otay Owen, mama be right back. Or: I right here Owen, no cry... riiiight here.

*****

Owen's favorite thing to do is mirror time. We make silly faces and he has baby hysterics. Is there anything cuter than baby laughs? I think not.

*****

Carter's favorite games to play: Hide and Seek and Follow Me! When we play hide and seek it's hilarious because he will hide in some of the most obvious places. Some of our favorites include laying on the carpet with a throw rug over his face (classic), or standing next to the bed with the comforter pulled over his head so that all you see is his tiny body quivering with suppressed laughter. Plus whenever he counts you have to run like hell to find a spot because he starts chasing you before he's reached ten. No patience this kid. The other game is more like follow the leader but it involves a belt of some kind or a rope. He takes one end and starts walking around. You take the other end and follow him. The funny part is that he tells you how to follow him, ie. "walk dis way" or "step here and then here, mommy". Ahhh, my little Stalin.

*****

Me: Carter, do you want to play with your friend so-and-so tomorrow?

Carter: Yea! She es me Faaaave-weet! (hugging his chest and swinging side to side)

*****

The most common expressions currently in use around our house are:

Soo. Much. Fuuuun!

_____ (insert, friend, book, toy, food) es my Faaave-weet!

Do you looove it? or Daddy/Mommy/Baby Owen looove it!

I berry, berry, berry sorry, Mama.

Let's go berry, berry, berry fast!

Luf you too, mama. (usually out of the blue and involving a hug on the leg or arm)

Because these thoughts often creep around my brain

You know you're a hard-nosed, repeat mother when your infant starts to throw up and you tilt him towards yourself so your own shirt gets dowsed in regurgitated breastmilk because you have already changed his outfit twice this morning and you just can't imagine doing that wriggle rodeo again. Besides, it's much easier for you to change out of your ratty old t-shirt and into another equally ratty one.

You know you're an old hag of a woman when you have fed and bathed both of your children, gotten them in their jammies and changed into your nightgown and then you take a moment to look at the clock and you realize it's only 6pm.....and you're exhausted.

You know you're not a hot, young thang anymore when you whip open the shower curtain to ask your husband if he thinks your c-section scar looks crooked and he actually looks at your scar, says "No" and continues brushing his teeth.

You know you're a boring old parent when you and your husband get so excited to find a sale on kids shoes that you high-five each other, buy six pairs, and then talk about how awesome it was to get those shoes on sale, for the next 5 days.

You know you're over 30 when you get unusually excited when one of your christmas gifts is a pair of socks or a crockpot.

You know you are comfortable at someone's house when you can sit on their couch and take out your breast to feed your child.....and in my case, then request a cocktail. ;)

You know you are truly, madly, deeply in love when a small, toothless person can pee on you, poop on you, vomit on you, and chomp your bosom but yet your heart still turns to warm jelly everytime they smile at you.

Gettin' in the Spirit

We are going a little light on decorating this year as we had many broken things last year. Carter will slow down and actually hear the word "No" one of these days, right? Anyway, we still have our Christmas Spirit! So join us in a few Carols!

To the tune of Jingle Bells:

Ahem. MeMeMeMe Meeeeeeeee. (throat clearing)

"Jingle Bells, my house smells,
Will someone vacuum, please?
The Christmas Tree is under siege,
and I still wear Mat-er-nity... Hey!"

To the tune of O Christmas Tree:

"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Thy branches plucked and pulled constantly.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Thy ornaments mashed and bent awkwardly.
My laundry Pile rivals thee,
it's stacked up high in wrinkled glo-ry.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
thoust beauty drowned in laun-dry."

Carter has just ordered me to "Stoooooop Singgggging". Scrooge.

Oh the funny things he says and does

While playing outside today...
Carter- "Build house, Mama!", digging with his shovel in the sandbox.
Me- "You're gonna build us a house?"
Carter- "Me build, Owen build, Dada build, Mama build us house!"
Me- "Are you gonna go into construction when you grow up? Are you going to own a flourishing construction company?"
Carter- All smiles he says, "Yeah, like dada fooo-lish!"
Hahaha, out of the mouths of babes.... :)

*****

Carter likes to "rescue" snails when he is outside. Ya know, those really small ones that kinda end up dying or drying up on the patio. He arranges them into family groups on the table and they are his pets.
So today it's windy and his Mama snail, Dada snail and baby snails kept on blowing off the table.
Carter- "Aahhhhhh! Save you shail! Hold tight!" gripping them close. He gently places them back on table but wind blows the smallest one away again.
Carter- "Ohhhh Nooooo! Baby go home.", pouting... "Shail go far, far, far, far, far, far, far away...." , followed by grumpy frown.

*****

Me- "What do you want to do today?"
Carter- "Ummm... Cook!", jumping up in the air with hands raised like it is the most ecxiting thing he could think of.
Me- "Okay, what do you want to cook?"
Carter- "Pupcakes! Pink pupcakes. Spin rooound!" making stirring motion with his hand (referring to the hand mixer).

It's a good thing that one of his christmas presents from Grammy and Papa is a K-I-T-C-H-E-N. This is the only way I can refer to this item nowadays, spelling. We spell everything. I actually had to stop myself spelling to Kevin during a conversation and Carter wasn't even in the room. In fact, he was sleeping. This is Parent Conditioning.

*****

I have the politest child on the block, now. He says Please and Thank You for EVERYTHING. All day long recently I hear "Tank you mama!" and "Pleeeeeease, mama? Pleeeeease?" with hands clasped desperately to his chest and knees bent in a type of begging crouch. We are also abusing the "Sooowrry mama" accompanied by the chin-to-chest pout. I have even had to tell him to not apologize because I'll stub my toe or something and he will apologize to me like it was his fault. Geez louise. I hope we are not giving him a complex.

****

Watching the Wonder Pets...
Pets singing "...this is Seeerious!"
Carter- "Seeerious!" singing back to the them.

*****

Carter walks into the kitchen the other day and says "Mama, tuhmmy gwowl"
Me- "huh?"
Carter- "tuhhmmy gwowl! Me hungy"
Me- "Ohhhhhh, hahahahahaha. Your tummy is growling and you are hungry??"
Carter- "uh huh, Hungy! Now!"

Where do they learn some of this stuff?

*****

Carter recently re-discovered his "practice" baby doll in the pile of toys.
Carter- "Baby Owen doll!"
Me- "Is that your baby?"
Carter- "No. Owen!"
Me- "Ahh"
So he starts talking to the baby "Owen" and putting him in the swing, "You like swing baby Owen? You like?"
Then he takes him out and carries him to his bouncy chair, "Owen you like toy chair? Baby chair like?"
Then he gave the doll a teddy graham and walked away; nurturing period officially over.

*****

And to cover both kids.....
I must say that Owen slept last night from 8pm until 5am. This was confusing to me when I woke up and looked at the clock. I thought I was dreaming.
My littlest munchkin is of course the sweetest thing on Earth and I always want to remember how he says he loves me with his full body wriggle, gummy smile and giggle. So damn cute. He's truly a lump o' sugar.

My boys

"Meeeee hold baby?" Carter asks, arms extended in heartfelt plea. :)
"Sure, sit on the couch", I say.
So he plops down and I set Owen in his lap while I also give a little baby head-support.
He pulls out his Chuck E. Cheese gold medallion that he is wearing and dangles it over Owen, "Like? Baby? Like ChuckCheeeese? Baby Owen? Like?" (he is very caring)
He then removes medallion and "gives" it to his brother. Since Owen isn't exactly grasping this exchange he says "Off!" and gets up to put the medallion in the baby's bassinet. Then he turns and says "More hold baby!".
All the while Owen is just kicking and smiling.
Damn cute kids I have.

*****

Kevin has these long-john type pj's for the winter...like the old west style with the butt flap. Ya know the red ones we all had as a kid in the north? Anyway, Carter has two pairs of jammies that are one-piece and red. (one is a detroit red wings and the other has some trucks on them) So he calls them his "Like Dada" jammies. God forbid they be in the wash on the nights he needs to dress "Like Dada!!!".
Tonight he has his Red Wings jammies on until he saw me put on my blue winter polar bear set. Now he is trying to undress himself and saying "No like Dada....Like Mama!!! Blue bears like Mama!!"
I told him I would buy him some blue bears tomorrow. Oh yeah, like we need another set of jammies....I think we have 5. That is quite enough in my opinion.

*****

Tonight we put on the DVD Crackling Fireplace and some Christmas music. We danced in the living room and sang Jingle Bells and I told Carter not to touch the TV because it was "Hot". (teehee, I'm a bad mother messing around with him) He got serious and nodded his head then tentatively walked up to it and blew really hard....to cool it off, I guess. Haha. Anyway, I told him I was joking and that it was a TV fire so it was cool. As if he didn't believe me he slowly put his hand on the screen and then looked back at me and laughed....in relief?

*****

Owen smells so gosh darn good I could just inhale him all day. That child is truly a sweetie pie. Kinda makes me think about a third......just kidding.
He loves to smile and "talk" to me when he is on his changing table and he grips me with his long fingers like a baby monkey. I love it. I think he actually said his first word the other day..... "Hi". Haha. I leaned in and said "Hi" and he squawked "Hi" right back. It was funny and I had to call Kevin in to tell him we had a genius child. Only 6 weeks old and talking...that's a record, right?

I'm afraid he doesn't do much yet to blog about but he is still trying to make sense of us crazy folk. Poor thing, being born into this Madhouse! :)

The Chopstick's Issue

Little known fact about my husband: Most meals he eats with chopsticks. Strange you might think? Japanese upbringing you may wonder?
No. He feels they are more efficient tools. *Shrug*
Okay, to each his own. We all have our quirks.
However, we enter into problems when I set the table with cutlery because not every meal calls for chopsticks. Do I know which ones do? Sometimes...other times I am confused. It is a standing joke in this house that I will set his place with chopsticks for odd meals....like pancakes. This he finds funny. But there are other times that I am generally perplexed at his choice. Like last night we had chili and rice. I would guess spoon. I don't know; call me a freak for guessing this one. He surprised me with chopsticks so I comment "Chopsticks for chili?! That's weird..." or somesuch thing. Well, he says that I am being rude. Rude? Okaaaay. I guess I'm a dolt but I totally didn't think I was being rude, I just genuinely thought it odd and felt that I could relay this to the man I sleep with at night, the man who fathered my children and the man I pledged to spend my life with... Hmmm. Maybe I need to read Emily Post's rules of etiquette, again.
We do differ on what we consider rude though. I think it's rude when he ignores me for the current game on t.v., for example, or when he is late for an event. Hey, we aren't all on the same page. Different upbringing's breed different opinions.

So essentially, according to my husbands Rules of Etiquette it is okay to show up someplace 3 hours late but comment on someone's choice of eating utensil? *Gasp* That is going too far, my friends.

Things I learned as an Archaeologist

1) When in a foreign country McDonald's taste basically the same. Taco Bell does not.

2) Never declare "I think it's a point!" or "I got a point base!" or "Look's like a Biface!" until you have cleaned it up and are absolutely sure of what you found. This will save you the embarrassment when one or more of your more experienced coworkers wanders over to examine your find and says "Nah, that's just a rock".

3) Doritos make good tinder in the field. If you light them they just keep burning...like wood. Weird.

4) Never say "I think I can make it..." while driving a crew vehicle filled with your coworkers. They won't like you so much for risking their lives.

5) If working with mostly males opt to ride in the truck bed at the end of the day rather than squishing in the cab with them. This will save you from a most odorous journey.

6) Alcoholism is a job skill and is expected. Keep up.

7) Lab work is mind numbing but you get out of the bugs.

8) Bugs are evil, evil, evil.

9) If you are an Archaeologist, a female and weigh less than 600 lbs you are considered hot stuff.

10) No matter what you tell the locals they will think that you are digging for gold and hording what you find. They will watch you.

11) Never take a coworkers shovel. Never. Never. You may be inadvertently harmed on the job if you do. Your shovel is an extension of yourself and when it breaks or "disappears" it will be mourned for months.

12) No one will think the less of you if you are attacked/swarmed by evil creatures (ie, fire ants, ticks, yellow jackets) and run screaming from them. No one will blink an eye if you strip down to your skivvies while doing so, either. All in a days work.

13) While tramping through a swamp never try to be funny and shout "Alligator!". This will only piss off your tense coworkers.

14) If you hear thunder, work stops and "waiting it out in the trucks" begins. This usually means telling off-color stories, doing crossword puzzles and reading old newspapers. Or if it's late afternoon it's "Early drinking day!". However, if working in another country....Not so much. OSHA regulations aren't followed quite as well and you are expected to endanger your life more-so than normal.

15) If you leave the field and "forget" a coworker, you will be in major trouble with your superiors. (I only did this once. Oops! In my defense, he was a very bland individual who didn't stand out much)

16) If you get the work-truck stuck you will be made fun of for months and possibly years. If you are a female and get it stuck you are just proving that your gender is incompetent. What a bunch of bull. (I never got the truck stuck, btw. I have successfully defended the female role in archaeology. yeah! ha)

17) Never date an archaeologist unless you know for a fact that he showers everyday. There are many, many, many who do not. Lemme tell ya, showers are important. (I married a very clean one)

18) And finally, if you ever walk through a nest of ticks (very disturbing) and decide to spray down your pants with half a can of bug spray in a vain attempt to kill the little bastards, DO NOT then try to light them on fire. The result is a rather warming fireball below your waistline. Pick one; either fire OR bug spray. (Fire works best)

Funny Little Guy: Vol 4

My guy has a few mosquito bites but they are his first and he really didn't seem to notice too much. (I itch mine like crazy, grrr stupid blood suckers)
Anyway, we are hanging out this weekend and Kevin remarks on one of his bites on the back of his neck. Well, Carter then reaches up to feel the bite being discussed and has since become obsessed.
Carter- Mama?
Me- yes, bear?
Carter- BIT!! (fondling bump in toddler horror)
Kevin- Yes, you were bit by a mosquito.
Carter- Beeeeeeeee!
Kevin- No, a mosquito bit you.
Carter- Mama!? Beeeeeee bit! Beeeeee! (pointing to neck)

At night before bed he tells me about how the bee bit him on the neck and then he wants to dab water on it from his sippy cup. I put a few drops in my hand, put some in his, wipe them on the Bee Bite and then blow on it. This makes it all better, don't ya know.

*************

Last night before bed we were all hanging out in the bedroom. Carter was being a spaztic goofball, jumping all over the bed and Kevin was watching something sports related on t.v. when I began receiving an impromtu back massage from da hubband. Mmm Yay!
Not to be left out, our Big Guy jumps behind me and starts giving his best swedish massage. He was pinching my shoulders and rubbing my back and we were praising him, of course. Then he was done and said Meeeeee and he turned around and I started "massaging" his tiny little back. He was trying hard not to laugh at first but you could tell it tickled him because he was writhing and saying Hmmm.....errrrr.....hmm....Iiiiiiiii (chuckle).....aaaaah.......Teeekle! (collapses in laughter)
We went around and everyone got a few massage sessions....most of them ended in giggles. :)

**************

When we were about to put the last coat on our bathroom walls Saturday, Carter of course wanted a hand in it. The paint can was closed and the roller was dry so Kevin let him "paint" first. This was the painters cycle:
Hmmmmm... (hands on hips and contemplating walls)
Paint! (picks up roller and makes a few strokes up and down the walls, puts it back in tray and picks up paint can opener)
Boom booom Boom! (pounding top of paint can all around in a circle, then picks up level and holds it against wall, examines and sets it down again)
Hmmmmm...(hands on hips and contemplating walls)
Paint! (and so on and so on...)

The ABC's of love

Because I've been such a bad mother and haven't written much about my son's adorableness (this just can't be a word)....here are a few reasons why at the end of the day I am still helplessly in love with him.

A) He dances along with Dora and Boots, the Wiggles and the Backyardigans and he makes me join in. He looks so damn happy and lemme tell ya, he's got some sweet moves. He giggles to himself when he watches Caillou or Clifford.
B) Sometimes, for no reason at all, he runs over to me or his daddy with his arms spread wide and gives us ginormous hugs and kisses. At night time when he kisses daddy goodnight he then directs daddy to kiss mommy and then we have a group hug. I tell ya he is a dictator and we must obey. :)
C) He looks absolutely adorable in big boy undies. What a cute butt! Must have got it from his daddy. teehee.
D) He waits for daddy to get home so he can go "play" in his car and "drive". If daddy doesn't pick him up first thing and take him out there he crosses his arms and thunderclouds cover his face. He has a serious frown. When we are out and about and he is frowning and pouting all the ladies stop to say "Aaaaahhhhhh, he's mad!" like it is the cutest thing they've ever seen.
E) He is shy and hides behind my legs but then will peek around them and smile like he is flirting.
F) He loves to cuddle.
G) He has learned On, Off and Mine....these are his favorite words, of course but now he says stuff like "Not Off!" and "Not Mine!". I don't know why this makes me laugh.
H) He is very proud that he knows some letters and numbers. He likes to tell me "Oooooo" and "Iiiiiii" and "Dooooo" (two) and "Nine".
I) Whenever we are getting ready to go out somewhere he makes sure he gets his "Dooosh" (shoes) and then he will bring you your shoes. Shoes are very important to him....as well as hats. He is an accessory man.
J) He needs to cuddle with one of my neckroll pillows to go to sleep at night....after wrestling with it for about 35 minutes.
K) He needs to play "Pat-a-cake" and sing the ABC song before he lays down for sleepy time.
L) His neck and his inner thighs are his major tickle spots and he giggles like a madman when you get them.
M) Sometimes he wants to wear socks on his hands. Not sure why but I don't argue.
N) He is a picky eater but he consistently loves broccoli and ears of corn and lentil soup with goldfish crackers floating on top.
O) He goes over to the jasmine everyday and picks me a little sprig.
P) He has just learned how to jump with both feet leaving the ground. This makes him extremely excited and sometimes he jumps and lands right on his butt.
Q) He loves to wear daddy's watch on his ankle or his upper arm.
R) He loves to buckle/unbuckle and latch/unlatch things. This will occupy him for at least 10 minutes.
S) He kisses my boo-boo's away just like I kiss his away....ya know what? it really works. :)
T) He silkies my chin, arm and chest when he is tired or falling asleep.
U) After he wakes up he crawls over to daddy (if he hasn't left for work already) and cuddles with him for a little bit....then hands him his sippy cup with water in it from the night before and orders him "Up!" to go replace it with juice....then he will hand me the remote control so I will turn on his morning cartoons, preferabley "Ruff ruff" which means Clifford.
V) He yells at the cat like I do, "Get! get!"
W) When I ask him if he wants this or that his first response is always "Nooo" but then if it is something he really wants or likes it will be "Noooooo-uh huh" while shaking his head and then nodding emphatically....little negative-nelly. He's like "Oh crap! Yeah! I want that Mom! Why didnt' ya say so?"
X) He likes to interact with his books. He does sound effects, answers questions and bites the pictures of food.
Y) The only time he really enjoys being naked is after his bath and before bed as long as he can wear his ducky towel or frog towel on his head the whole time like a cape.
Z) His favorite game is 'Gotch Your Nose'. Sometimes he will steal your nose and put it on his stuffed animals or if you take his nose, he will take your ear "off" and giggle and run away.

We love you bubba bear.

Only with a boy....

Months ago I bought Carter a little baby doll for "practice". It came with a bottle and it supposedly drinks and potty's (there is a hole in it's little plastic booty and a hole for a mouth). Today Carter wanted to feed the baby so I filled the bottle with water and was doing something else....when I look over to see him with the baby doll flipped over on the coffee table, booty in the air and he is sticking the bottle in the wrong hole. I tried explaining to him that people don't like things stuck in their butts and that the little baby was probably uncomfortable with the bottle being there. Mind you I will be watching our new little guy very, very well when Carter has any sort of bottle-shaped object around him....especially during diaper changes. My eyes are open. Well, you can't argue long with a toddler so I left him to his gross experiments, walked out of the room and returned a few minutes later to find him now drinking the water out of the doll's butt. He was lapping it up and laughing. This was just too much. I of course, had all sorts of nightmare visions of what this signified...I know, I know, nothing...he is just being a boy. Boys like messes, butts, farts, sticks, dirt, roughplay, stinky things and breaking things. It's just the way of the world. Can't wait for the double dose of boyhood fun that I have coming to me. :)

The weird and wonderful world of my son

So I time my showers to correspond with Dora the explorer. This lets me have an uninterrupted 15-30 minutes to myself while little man C chills with his favorite latina. Kevin may make fun of me and my routines but it is survival, baby! Today, as I'm daydreaming under the shower spray I hear, "Mah MAAAAA!". Nicely jolted from my reverie (I sound like an ass but seriously this is how I talk to myself), I whip open the shower curtain and see Carter standing there making frantic hand signs, babbling and pointing. "What?!" I ask, still covered in soap. "Blahbbity Blab Mama, HEP!" (hep = help)
He comes and grabs my hand dragging me from the shower yelling "HEP!". Here I am thinking someone is breaking in or the tv fell off the dresser....I don't know, but noooooo, none of that. My darling immediate gratification child needed the water spray bottle from the linen closet. (I keep it here to spray wrinkles out of cotton clothing because folding laundry doesn't exist in my house)
It is hard to take yourself seriously when you are dripping water all over your carpet and being screamed at by a small person just because he has it in his head that he wants to drench everything in your bedroom with water.
What exactly goes on in their giant developing brains?? I want to know the thought process that leads to the action.
So I got back in the shower with a sigh, shook my head and felt grateful it wasn't a cataclysm. Like I told a friend of mine recently... I don't know anything about children, I'm just a mom.

Guess which one my husband is

Because I am a major geek, I have broken down sports fans into these 5 categories:


The Checker
This guy checks the scores of the big teams so that he can still qualify as a "guy"; he may read an article in the sports section of the paper but mostly just to participate in the office discussions; he probably never really played sports much or maybe he just played golf.

The Watcher
This guy watches his teams mainly and keeps himself informed about the others in the league or division; he may be tentatively involved in a fantasy football league; he knows players names and a couple of important stats but not much else. Ladies tend to be either Checkers or Watchers.

The Pro
This guy knows his stuff; he likes to play a pick-up game of football on the weekends with his buds; he watches football, baseball and basketball, mostly the pro leagues but may dabble in certain college games; he wears his jersey to the sports bar; he is in at least 2 fantasy sports leagues; he has his favorite players and knows all their stats and history; he has fiery disussions about trades, wins and losses; he may get drunk and argumentative if you insult his team/player.

The Human ESPN
This guy watches every sports channel, network, pro game, and college game that he can get his eyes on; he knows the stats and history for a good chunk of all major players in the last 40 years; he gives play-by-plays in minute detail and argues with the television; he may be a season ticket holder; he has multiple jerseys, hats and sports memorabilia; he may experience extreme personality changes during times of wins or losses; he may schedule important dates so that they do not interfer with his games; he is deeply affected on a personal level by the players actions; he will be in at least 5 fantasy leagues.

The Superfan aka The Rainman of Sports
This guy is all of the above and more; he doesn't need a jersey at a sporting event, he goes barechested and/or painted; he never really talks about anything else but sports; he follows his teams on the road; he names his children after favorite players; he lives and dies by The Game; he may be violent if he feels his team/player is is being insulted; he yells constantly at the tv and game announcers and calls in so often to sports radio shows that they know his name; scouts may pay him a consulting fee; he talks to himself and may recite stats; in his mind fantasy sports leagues just pollute the purity of The Game; if his wife left him during football season he wouldn't notice until playoffs.

You all will be happy to know that my darling husband is only The Human ESPN. Phew! ;)

Dance Party

So I'm sitting here acting the single mom....don't get me started, and I'm flipping channels on the tv looking for Dora or Mickey and messing around on the internet while Carter is playing with those Chinese zen chime balls or whatever. I'm not even paying attention really to what's on tv but a rap video comes on and I started doing some silly dance move while scrolling through web pages. I look over and Carter is imitating me perfectly. We then start a silly dance session where we are sticking out our butts and reaching for the sky and spinning in circles and going "woowoo!"....all to some song about being a gangster. How great is it to be silly with your kid. It really lightened my sour-puss mood.

Demented dreams

So in the middle of the night I realize that there is a shrimp on Carter's head. He must have been eating them and forgotten one.... I try to get it off but it must have been laying there for a while because it's stuck. So here I am tugging on this dried up shrimp stuck to my son's head at 3 a.m. Hmmmmm?
No, it wasn't a shrimp...it was his ear. I must have been having some weird dreams because I became fully awake and couldn't believe I was trying to pull his ear off in the middle of the night. I'm still chuckling about this one. No worries, though, he is unharmed. :)