Experimental at-home labor inductions

1) Leave 2 year old boy alone for 5 minutes in the baby room.

Result: Hospital bag, wall and cream colored carpet under crib all beautifully and generously decorated with blue chalk.
Physical ramifications: Aching back and knees from scrubbing with hot sudsy water for 20 minutes. No labor.

2) Attempting to clean house/floor "before baby comes".

Result: Toys and dirt just relocated to other parts of house to be bothered with later.
Physical ramifications: Pulled muscle in left heel?? (how the hell does one do that?), pelvic and constricted organ pain and sweaty mommy. No labor.

3) Going grocery shopping at Walmart...on a Saturday, for the last time "before baby comes".

Result: Dinner is very late, child is starving (and NO nap), used wrong card at the checkout, forgot 5 things and slighty weirded out by creepy people who seem to haunt Walmart's aisles.
Physical ramifications: Sheer exhaustion from shopping, cooking dinner and bath time (which includes chasing, soaping, rinsing, drying, chasing, diapering, wrestling, dressing child), pelvic/organ pain, massive headache and urge to drink heavily. No labor.