My epiphany of sorts

So I had a few realizations yesterday.

--Highchairs are a gimmick. They were probably invented during the Spanish Inquisition as a torture device and then later the Nazi's tweaked them a bit for consumers. The more recline positions, leg angles and padding they have; the worse they are.

--Old, dried peas and noodles that you find on your floor and in the crevices of your Nazi highchair could possibly be used as buckshot or shrapnel. I would rather step on hot coals than a piece of hardened rotini.

--A toddler propelled Cozy Coupe aimed at the backs of your knees can really piss you off; especially if you are in the middle of cooking dinner.

--I am the suckyiest housekeeper. I cannot keep my child healthy and my house clean at the same time. It's one or the other, baby. If my kid is starving then the house is clean. That's just the Yin and Yang of my household.

--I hate bending over. Gravity makes me angry. Why do so many things fall down there?

--No matter how many bills you pay in a month there are just more the next month. Even if you think you've paid ahead on some things, different ones pop up...it's like they are breeding.

--I have landed in a "What to serve my family for dinner" rut. Lately, it's been "Noodles & Peas for everyone!". Cook books don't help...they just make me feel inadequate.

--I'm not sure what happened in the 1960's to make everyone think that poo brown was a lovely shade for flooring and appliances. I really hate my floors. If I drop something on them it takes me a half an hour to find it because they act like food camouflage.

--I will never receive any recognition or award for doing the oddball things around the house like wiping the back of the toilet, scraping out all the food crumbs from the fridge door seal, emptying the toaster crumb catcher, dusting pictures or shelves, or windexing the fingerprints off of the glass doors.

and finally...

--Sitting at the kitchen table and staring blankly at the wall in front of you is only challenging your toddler to spill something or throw something at your head.


There.