I fold quickly

...and I'm not talking about the laundry. Bah-dum-baah (cymbal crash)

I'm not feeling that hot today so I've not wanted to leave the house. This is rare. Usually I'm out doing something. Needless to say we are a bit bored. I let Carter watch some cartoons this morning and of course, Sesame Street (a pantheon of toddler gods for him to worship). I feel that he is becoming a bit too dependent on t.v. and videos for his entertainment, recently. So....I say strictly "No" to all the dvd's he's been bringing me this afternoon. It's very hard because he is so damn cute about it. He has this favorite Barney video where they sing "Wheels on the Bus" (his fave song) and he will walk up to me carrying it and doing these funny circular arm movements with his arms like "wheels on the bus". So we've been coloring and "playing" clean-up and reading books and having snacks..... damn, I ran out of distractions and I totally folded when he brought me Barney 5 minutes ago. I swear I need to get more creative or just get out of the house.
You'd think a mothers heart wouldn't melt as often the older the child gets, but this is untrue, it's always melting, cracking and breaking (the damn thing). Just last night when he was watching the same Barney video and his favorite part came on he started doing the arm movements like the kids in the video and smiling; so freakin' cute...and then he flipped sideways out of his chair onto the hardwood. (mind you this is the chair of death that my MIL bought him but he loves)
My heart just about broke.
He gets so excited to do certain things during the day and I just can't stand to see him disappointed. He really looks forward to putting on his shoes and walking with me down the front walk to the mailbox. Today, I wasn't thinking and just decided to run and go do it so I didn't have to get his shoes on and a jacket and the whole thing (selfish mommy). He knew what I was going to do but I figured he would just wait for me. By the time I was walking back in with the mail he had gone and put his shoes on by himself and was walking to me with this devastated "you did it without me?" look on his face. I felt horrible.