Loco

Sooooo.... yesterday and last night were crazy around here.

Everything seemed fine when Carter woke up from his nap. He wanted to play in the backyard, as usual so I took my book out there and watched him scramble around in his sand box and then do various yard work with his little rake and shovel. I always try to keep him in certain areas of the yard because of the fire ant issue....they seem to colonize in 2 main spots, the little bastards. Well, lo and behold my poor little man must have found a few stragglers. He came walking to me with this confused look of distress on his face and he seemed to be trying to get something off his hand. I used my panicked-momma-eagle vision and saw some ants on him so I scooped him up and stripped his shoes off and tried to wipe those little f*%$ers off of him. But if you have ever been stung by red ants you know that once you start trying to get them off they all start stinging at once. So my sweet little baby is now howling and clinging to me as I try to get them all off. Luckily there weren't that many but they must have been biting him repeatedly. I would guess he ended up with about 16 bites or so... I cleaned him up and put some "Boo boo cream" on his bites....phew. That sucked. Oh, but it gets better.

A while later I think maybe I will go look at maternity clothes at the mall. Carter has refused lunch and has been clinging to me like a baby monkey but he likes the mall, so we go. I get in the van and start pulling out and notice an ant on my belly. wtf! Crap. I hate ants. I've had my fill, thank you very much. So I grab a napkin and try to squish it....and it disappeared. Ohhh great. I got out and looked all over. No freakin ant. Here we go a drivin'.
OUCH. Something is in my shirt and biting my stomach. Try being bit by a devil creature while negotiating traffic...it's like a stunt on Fear Factor. Hallelujah, a red light. I kill demon ant and now Carter is cringing and acting like he is being bit. ARGGGHHHH!
I never found his ant but he now has two pus-filled bites on his neck. (a minute ago I typed "pussy bites" then realized that you can't take the word pus and add an -sy to it...I swear this is all clean family content)

Later on I realize I have been plying my son with food all day to no avail. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch videos and cling to my neck. I'm thinking allergic reaction? I don't know?

Fast forward to Kevin getting home from work. I've been trying to keep Carter up until his bedtime since 4pm. He is never this sleepy. Also, he refused dinner...just had a few bites of applesauce and some milk. Kevin walks in the door and Carter smelled up the entire house with some horrible explosion in his diaper. In the 19 months I've been changing diapers I have never smelled something this bad. OMG. Now, my slow brain is thinking "okay, stomach bug?". I put him to bed in like 5 seconds flat and call the nurses on call at the hospital. Yes. I'm one of those mothers. Hell, I'm just worried about some allergic reaction to fire ants and doing research online doesn't help... many times it just makes it worse. We decide he must have a virus or something. Now it is 10 p.m. and quite dark but Kevin is out in the backyard spraying a fertilizer/ant killer combo thing. What a devoted daddy.

I go to sleep and one hour later I am awoken by gagging, choking, crying child as he vomits all over. Oh lord. Need I remind you that we sleep in the same bed. Man, that sucked but I won't go into the smelly details. Needless to say we change clothes and strip some stuff off the bed and go back to sleep. This happens a couple more times. Yeah, guess who isn't gonna sleep much?

Finally all cozy again and I am awoken by Kevin leaping out of bed and a loud pounding on our front door....at 3 a.m. What?! What is going on? It's the police. They are responding to a domestic disturbance call (unless you want a domestic disturbance you better quit banging on my door nitwits). Of course it's the wrong house...apparently they weren't given the address. Sure, let's just knock on all these people's doors in the middle of the night. Makes sense, right?

Anyway, now our sick little guy is asleep.....get this.... In the bed. Not in the car. Neat, huh?

There were other things I was gonna tell y'all about but I'm just too freakin' tired.

Oh but the baby looks great and my belly is poking out and the ultrasound tech said she thought she saw something between it's little legs. Hmmmm. We'll see. 13 weeks! Woohoo.