Yeah, we all Edgar Allan Poe around here. Not really, but my heart has been beating just as loudly as in that story. We've had a bit of a rough week with Kevin being gone and me contemplating the ER with two babies in arms.
I developed some erratic heart rhythm (regurgitation, etc...) while pregnant with Owen and it has not gone away, yet. In fact it may be worsening. I'm not sure if it's because I have major anxiety issues or some underlying heart problem that they haven't found yet but whatever it is, it's not making life as a temporary single mother any easier.
The other night around midnight I was agitated and restless and just could't sleep. I was having the damn palpitations as usual except they began jumping around and I became panicky and they beat harder and more erratically and I panicked more. Was I having a heart attack? I had uncontrollable full-body tremors, my sight was dimming like I was going to pass out, I couldn't get a deep breath (probably hyperventilating by this point), my heart was going crazy, I felt like I was going to throw up and/or implode. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had and I was alone with my two babies. That sucked. I couldn't go to the ER with two small children. Hell, I could barely walk through the house on my shaking legs! I couldn't imagine trying to get the kids together and drive there. What a mess.
So instead I paged a doc, got no advice or reassurance on whether I was dying or not, called Kevin and then just sat on the phone with him for 2 hours while I breathed like a dirty prank caller into the mouthpiece.
His dad showed up at 3am or so but by then I was feeling a bit better so I dozed and went to the doc first thing in the morning. I looked great. Ever felt brittle? Like if someone bumped your arm you'd just crack and crumble to the ground? Yeah. Lovely.
Well, as the Doctor said to me when he walked into the office "So? You're still alive!". I suppose I am, and that means something.
So, unless the other test results turn up something super unusual, I am in perfect health. It is what I've always feared....I've morphed into a French Poodle with all the typical qualities of the dumb dog. I'm twitchy, fluttery, panicky and paranoid. Think I'll make Best in Show this year? I'll need a Handler, of course.....
(Pretty soon I'll be wearing funny hats and smearing lipstick all over my chin like those crazy old ladies you see talking to themselves at the bus stops. )
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4 comments:
Hey. Sorry to hear you are having those issues. I actually started something similar when pregnant with Thomas and have had them on and off. It feels like your heart is racing and you have a huge burst of adrenaline that won't go away. Is that how yours are? I have decided they are panic attacks, probably hormonal. I told Robert about them and that is pretty much what they are. If you breathe and just know that you are normal and okay, you get yourself out of them. I would just be watching tv and one would hit, they are scary, your right and you feel like a crazy person. The joys of motherhood and hormones!! So I bet that is what you are having. I would have emailed you all this but I can't find your email. Just know you are normal. I have a friend who describes them like that too, and another who would only have them at night, so her dr gave her a sleeping pill to take until she got back on track. She started them right after her baby was born. I think the more worked up you get the worse they are. Just breathe and know you are not the only one. You are just fine!
Hope your feeling better Jess, thinking good thoughts about you lady girl!
Hope your feeling better Jess, thinking good thoughts about you lady girl!
Jessica, call me when you need a break!!!!!!!!
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